I write this hastily because I am gone again tomorrow.  I don’t know when I’ll return in the next two weeks.  I am well, yet unwell.  I have asked Yrs. Solaken to postpone my Guild  ceremony for several months.  He was dismayed, but looked at me curiously as though he had expected it.

No, that’s unfair.  I rationalize that it’s unfair.  I insist that it’s unfair!

I know that you will hear what I have said, and I know what you will think of what I am saying now.  But I own what I say, and that is that.  I will not take it back.

You know, too, what you will say to my scratchy, irrational message.  Others would say the same.  “You were so close!  So close!”

True.  In this modern, watered-down version of the Guild, yes, I was close.  I still am close.  But I’m not there, not yet.  And these protocols may be of no importance in the larger scheme of Guild matters.  Yrs. Solaken fancies he has preserved the old policies so very well….

I do beg to differ.

I haven’t told Jurel as of yet, as she, too, will be filled with warnings.  “If the anger reaches your heart, it takes control.”  I know.  I know!  And I feel it taking control while intellectually I also know that I have to do something to diffuse it.  Yet… it will not be diffused this time.  It is a hungry beast, this anger borne of fear, although exactly what anger or what fear it will not reveal as it knows I will then be able to confront it.  We are as yet, in a power struggle, anger and I.  Perhaps that is the fear… that anger will prevail.

My students are worried — they look at me and know something is wrong.  I tried to wave it off, but they have learned their lessons quite well.  But what can they do?  Some of them have barely begun to understand themselves, what pushes and pulls them, or even what to do when they fall into their patterns (as we do so easily).  I have them to think of.

I will write again as soon as I can.  I promise I will explain.  But tonight I will “help” myself sleep, and then things will look different in the morning.  This will pass, as did the last episode.  Even if the Professor will not take a stand in her affairs, I will take a stand in mine.

It was so nice to meet with Dot last week and talk about things. I was so surprised that both my employer and mentor separately asked me for research drafts and healers’ articles that I was concerned they were thinking about something other than publications. At Dot’s suggestion, I asked them what the situation was. Surprise again! The horrid great-aunt Baroness D’Landria had made it known that my work was of interest to her, and though it would be to my advantage to increase my “sphere of influence” as she put it. That my drafts were mostly drafts seemed not to matter. That the articles published were short and included images of my meditation artwork seemed also not to matter. The point was that I was publishing. I still cannot imaging that she has my best interests in mind.

Then again, she is very old, and rather bitter about life. I would feel more settled about it if she urged me to publish in order to spite someone she didn’t like. Well. No matter. It did give me a reason to put my notes in order.

My conversation with Dot also yielded the answer to another difficult situation. Byron has decided to remodel the shoppe completely. He has asked me to continue preparing artwork for display, to be ready as soon as it reopens. I’ve used the upper floor, which now is torn up again. Dot very kindly allowed me to make use of the upper floor at the Devokan Trust Office in Touchstone House. I am glad there are several windows and that the weather is not yet so cold I can’t keep them open while I paint.

Something else interesting…
Dot wrote:

During a recent conversation, a maintainer friend expressed concern that one of her guild colleagues is missing, and has been for some time. We discussed all sorts of reasons for this, of course, but the idea that they might be on some private, undercover project seemed to me to be the most likely.

I didn’t get the impression she was convinced, however.

Interesting. I had no idea.  I suppose with all the new experimental ages being written, the poor maintainers are likely to find themselves in all sorts of odd places.

I realized my letter to Dot had caused something of a stir among my acquaintances, for which I am apologetic. But what can I really say to them? Of course there is more to it, but I don’t know what they know, those two. And her — what is her true motivation?  Not Dot, of course, but…. her….

Back to silence and obscurity, I suppose. I am rather tired of being unable to say much, especially because what I know is not much. The Professor has asked me to begin working at a new office, too, and that rather adds to my worries. Still, she is so affable that I can’t see any reason to refuse. She did say there was a large garden plot that I could use for the herb garden. That alone will be wonderful!

“Hats?”

“Aren’t they nice, dear?”

“But…  I don’t wear hats.  And I already have hats like these two.”  They weren’t really my color.

“Oh, now, now, take them anyway.  You’ll find a place for them.”

“These two look Victorian.  The fabric is interesting.”  I put one of them on my head, and it fit perfectly as if made for me.  ”They’ve held up very well if they are Nineteenth-Century Earth.”   It was a rich green and purple color.  ”Where did these come from?”

“Oh, isn’t that pretty?  That belonged to my grandmother.  She made it herself.”

“Wow.”  I looked at the other vintage hat.  It was a lighter color, and was rather like the new steampunk style.  ”This is from the Victorian era?  It looks like something more modern.”

“Oh I don’t know.  She made it too, I suppose.  She made all her own clothes.  I learned how to sew from her.”

“Oh.”  I set the second hat on my head, tipped it to a saucy angle, and laughed.  ”Tai’lahr would love these for the JoyRides.  I’ll have to show her this one.

“Those boat rides and things you do with that New Age group?”

“Yes, and it is an Old Age, I think, Aunt Dolly.  The group is based on the D’ni Guild of Healers.  Jurel says there are still some D’ni Guildmembers around somewhere.  I’ve never met any, though, or heard more about them.”

“Oh now here we are!”  Dolly exclaimed with success.  I heard rummaging as I took off the hat and set it back into the box with the others.  As I turned toward her, she pulled out a paper-wrapped object.  ”This is what I want you to see.”

I looked, somewhat aghast.  ”An old dress?  Aunt Dolly, I never really got into dress up…”

“My grandmother loved this dress.  You’ll need something, and this will just do the trick!”  She peered up at me of a sudden.  ”Don’t start wrinkling your nose before you even know how fashionable it was when she wore it.  There is nothing wrong with it.”

“I’m not wrinkling my nose!” But I was. “Dolly, it is… green…  that olivey green — ugh, um.”

She shook it out.  I will press it and you can try it on.I frowned at her.

“Need something?  For what?”

“For your new job.”

“A new job?  But I have a job.  I am working on my publication.”

Ignoring me, she walked over to an ironing board I just then realized had been set up already.  ”I know, dear.  You keep working on that, too.  This is something different.  Oh, now, it won’t take up much of your time at all.  You’ll only be teaching some adults about an historical site.  It’s medieval, just like you study already. So don’t start fretting as if you have so much to do you don’t have time for one small thing like this.”  On she went, completely ignoring my protests and questions.  ”There now, that is quite lovely, don’t you think?”  She pointed to a pile of white linen.  ”There are the undergarments.  You go put those on and we’ll see how well she made this.”

At my look she stopped and met my eyes.  ”Go on, you are going to need something, and you don’t have time to shop.”

“Dolly!”

“Now Ghaelen, don’t argue!  Just put it on!”  Her voice was loud; unusual for my Aunt Dolly.  She actually looked over her shoulder.  Something told me to humor the old woman, so I stomped over to the pile of make-believe clothing and put on the centuries-old garments.  At the corset I balked.

“I will help you.”  She was right behind me.  I turned to protest again.  ”It ties this way.”

I heard a noise from below at that moment.  ”Hurry now….,”  she said in a warbling voice.  ”Think of it as one of your ‘explorations’ that you will get paid for.”

“Wha…” I said into the dress that appeared on top of my head.

“Put your arms in!”

“Yes ma’am!  Sheesh!  Explbl… oring?”  I wriggled into the dress.  ”What am I exploring?”

She stopped and looked at the dress for a second before turning me, rather forcefully for such a little woman, and tying the laces at the back.  ”Yes, this will do just fine.  She will like this very much.”  She turned me back around and set the hat on my head.  ”Ghaelen, she has to hire you.”

“Well, in this getup I can’t imagine why, unless she is like Ruby.  Then she’d have hired me in the underwear.”  I started to laugh, thinking of my friend enjoying the sight of me dressed up like  paper doll.

“She HAS to hire you!” Dolly said more urgently, as much to herself as to me.  I stopped laughing to look at her.

“YOU.”  She said.

The doorbell rang.  ”Coooming!” She literally crooned.  ”She is so happy to meet you, Professor!”

I followed, intrigued now.  ”Professor?  Who? Hire ME?  Why?”

No sense in repeating myself.

I’ve decided to leave for the White Mountains tomorrow.  I hope it is time well spent.

What people?  What am I writing?  I’m not writing about anyone…  unless the dead women I study are alive again and talking back — which they do in their texts, but I haven’t yet heard ‘voices’ from their graves.  Such Nonsense.

I have no idea what she means.  Dolly does tend to ramble at times.  She’s just an older lady who gets her irritations with one side of the family confused with irritations with the other side of her family.  It is a very large family we have — when my grandparents had their 50th anniversary there were 300 children, spouses, and grandchildren (plus a few great grandchildren).  I don’t know any of her husband’s family and she never names them even as she complains they’ve done this or that yet again.  Uncle Stanley was always fun.  He took us kids fishing and told us stories.

Oh, I don’t have time to go to the White Mountains!  Dolly, Dolly, Dolly…   Meeting in the Cavern would be much easier.

Sigh.

Dolly’s Letter pdf file

The fragrance was floral, and a little fruity, like summer wine.  I spent two hours searching but never found the source.  It began to wane, then the rain began falling again.  I left the age with the mystery unsolved.

I looked at the thin woman in front of me; saw the shadows from her brown hair cross her face; noticed how the suns in this age cast a double shadow on everything.

“Yes, I found my way there with the help of a gentleman at the station.  Will the baby be alright?”

“We expect no more complications.”   We are worried that our methods are inadequate.  Something in the medicine no longer takes affect as it should.

I tipped my head as she spoke, then noticed her lips didn’t move.  ”What…?” What? “Good.  I’m very glad to hear that.  Losing a baby must be the worse pain for any parent.”

“Yes.  Well,”  she shook my hand warmly.  ”Let’s have something to eat.  You must be hungry.”

I stopped walking and looked around toward  the building on our left.  I could see it’s bright colors against her warm mauve suit.  ”Oh, I’m sorry.  I must have misunderstood.  Yrs. Solaken didn’t tell you?”

She swung around with hardness in her eyes.  A moment later it was gone.  ”Tell me what?”

“We are lunching with the committee.”

She stopped and the hardness reappeared.  ”That’s today?” Seconds later she smiled softly.  ”Of course it is.  New applicants always lunch with the committee during the first day.  How many of you are in the group?”

I felt the muscles in my brow tighten.  ”Well, I don’t actually know.  I’m not….”

“Of course not.  It was foolish of me to ask you.”  She began walking again.  ”You will enjoy this.  They make a celebration of it.”  Take care as I take care and watch how they behave toward you.

I walked as well,  noticing we had not turned left.  ”Why?

“Pardon me?”

“Why…. a celebration?  Um, I mean, we’re only applying for a two week retreat and herbal course.”

The wrinkles around her dark brown eyes began to deepen.  Then the corners of her mouth turned up and she smiled more than she wanted to.  A second later, that, too was gone.  ”Do you know how long a day is in Giloveelay?”

“Ah…” I laughed.  ”It is two weeks of Giloveelay time.”  I laughed again.  ”Oh my.  I really have to get used to this.

“You will.  Everyone does.”  Time enough for you to understand, to see the reality, to remember it.

“Jurel…. What is…?”  She turned left and beckoned for me to follow, then stopped.  ”Enjoy your lunch.  You are coming to the Harvayen fields this afternoon?”

“Ummm…”  I looked at the suns, then around for a clock I knew somehow I would not find.  ”I don’t know.  Jurel, I am sorry, I’m still disoriented.”

At that she laughed.  ”Of course you are.  You all are.  I think I saw your name on the fields list.  If not, in the second afternoon as you call it.  Turet on Giloveelay.  Turan and Turet, the times of sunshine.  They’ll explain it again after lunch.”  She turned and walked away.

Now I did frown.  ”You are not coming?”

Turning back again, she smiled less genuinely.  ”No.  I was….   uninformed before I took up another engagement.”  She looked at the building then back at me.  ”Did Gr’noreth- Yrs. Solaken – meet you at the station?”

I thought back quickly.  ”No…  he wasn’t waiting for me.  I had been there a little while when we started talking.  He noticed I was waiting, and thought I looked like I could use some help.”

“He said that to you?”

“Yes, and then when I told him why I was there, he introduced himself and said he was going my way.  I thought I would be late, and I did recognize his name from the packet of materials you had sent me.”

She frowned again and suddenly nodded rapidly.  ”Oh yes, of course.  He was training our new assistant field technician at the time.  Forgive me, I did try very hard to meet you.”

“I am certain you did, but a sick baby takes priority.  Jurel, I mean it.  It is quite all right.”

“Yes, yes, of course.”  Nodding again, she then shook her head and rubbed her brow briefly but hard.  ”You’d better go before you miss the introduction.  It is informative and enjoyable to hear.”  Again she smiled, and again she walked away.

I watched her for a second, then moved toward the colorful door I knew led to the dining hall.  She was right, I was hungry, and whatever they were cooking smelled very good.  As I reached the door I glanced back toward her departing figure.  She walked in long strides, covering a lot of ground with each step, confident or angry.

Second afternoon.  We will know in the second afternoon.  You can see then.

Is it really true?  I have to go find out.

Rats, my KI isn’t working now.   That’s odd.  It worked a couple months ago…  Hmmm, maybe that earthquake shook a relay and the frequency shifted slightly.  We’ll see whether a new one fixes the issue.

Yes it does!  Hey, and there are others here! People — in the city!  Tai’lahr, and Witch, and JW, and CristGer, and Zrax, and … oh, my surface phone is beeping.  Hey, that’s nifty.  Since the Cavern closed technology has advanced quite a bit.  It sure makes cavern-to-surface communication much easier.

Jane and Ruby both called me to say they haven’t made it past the gate yet.  Apparently there are so many explorers there now that progress is incredibly slow.  Well, I can set up the Healers Hood and open the doors.   Oh neat, the stained glass hangings are still here!  I am so glad the earthquake didn’t destroy those, too.

There we go.  I am getting tired.  But I have to check….  That plant — is it still there?

It is terribly late.  I have to sleep.   I’m a little angry to hear that some DRC members have secret stealth KI’s that allow them to show up in our Reltos.  I hope they disabled them now.  Because I don’t have to sneak in here any more so tonight I sleep in my own home.

And I don’t really feel like having any DRC company.

oh sure…  unless the material had been measured…..  crap.

A wanderer? — no.  I keep coming back to the fact that a wanderer would have taken the whole Wooden Box.  I only took what I normally take — a sample.  But then the scoop…  well, ok… there is that.  But the material clung to it so fiercely.  They (whoever they are) would certainly have noticed that.  Couldn’t put the scoop in my bag, absolutely not in my pocket.  Not without knowing what it was.  Hmmm, Maybe the dumb thing, taking that scoop to clean it.  But it was clean before I used it…  shoot, it was just a metallic scoop, nothing of value, or so I thought.

Apparently the material in the Vinyl Bag was of some import, because whoever found it after I did took the bag, but left the Wooden Box.  Empty.

Just looking at me, empty.  Just try returning the scoop now, clever woman.

Well, if they left the box to ‘catch’ a thief, they succeeded.  There I was, intending to return the scoop in its Metallic Chest.  I should have just put the Chest back in the Box, and left.  Should have just left and been done with it.  But no, not indecisive Ghaelen.  Stand there like an idiot and then go home to sleep on it.

Which made things even worse, since now I can’t do anything.  Now I can’t find the Wooden Box.  That’s because I can’t find the Desert Descent Tavern in this town.  Heck, I don’t think this is even the same town.  It’s the craziest thing….  it seems the more I try to put things back the way they were the more they become irreversible.   I’d worry, but I don’t know what to worry about first.  A bag, a box, or a tavern disappearing?  A town vanishing?  Pick one and worry.

If I hadn’t only taken a sample and had left the scoop, would the Bag have disappeared?  If I had taken the scoop and left the Chest, would the Bag have disappeared?  If I had taken the Bag and left the scoop….   Argh, that’s what bugs me.

All actions have an equal and opposite reaction.   All potentials manifest somewhere.

Oh shut up already!

Things had gotten so busy I nearly forgot the brief moment of wonder at Devokan last summer.  I’m still not sure it happened, but after talking with Dot today I don’t feel so much like I must have imagined it.

Last week, Jane and I spent some time with Dot discussing the upcoming GoH Ride for Joy on the 17th.  As we walked and talked, we passed by what looked like a natural stone wall.  The boulders were huge and rough — not weathered as if they’d been there a long time.  I didn’t think much of that until something triggered the memory of a fragrance I’d experienced last summer.  That itself was even a brief memory before I forgot about it as Jane and I walked on with Dot in search of suitable places for JoyRiders to gather before embarking on the ship and boat journeys.

Of course I couldn’t find the location of the flowers again.  And Jane wouldn’t remember — I had returned after she, I and LC had taken our own joyride on a sailboat around the rather bare island.  They were only there for a moment and I was so slow in remembering my camera…

I’ve never known a flower to bloom so beautifully for such a short time.  I might not actually have seen anything.  But today as Dot and I discussed the Ride for Joy yet again she did mention that the place where I remembered the fragrance had been affected by the land tremors.  Much of the land had been changed, and perhaps the flowers have been buried.

There was that deep pool… nearby…   I am certain I walked only a short distance from it before I spotted the blooming flowers.  The deep, rich, reddish, purple or blue hues amazed me because they seemed to be illuminated from within the petals themselves.  They were similar to Irises, but were not irises.  Akin to DayLilies, but not lilies of any kind.  The butterflies swarmed about them, landing, flitting, landing,settling, leaping… and suddenly they and the blooms had disappeared.  Dissolved, dissipated, vanished… I was stunned and saddened.  At least until the fragrance reached my nose.

I tried to sit and let the memory come to me, but couldn’t settle in one place.  I did finally sit on a wooden bench for a few moments, watching the sun come up. Then, again restless, I walked around the waterfall and turned around to watch it begin to sparkle and shimmer in the slow illumination of the morning. It was beautiful.  I sniffed, sniffed, hoping perhaps I could follow my nose to the flower patch of last summer?  I did follow the boulder wall around and back to the gate, chuckling at myself.  The yellow lilies were very pretty, but no fragrance there.

I’ve not smelled anything so heavenly before.  Not just a floral fragrance, but with a hint of fruit — exotic fruit I didn’t know?  Not just fruit, but a hint of earthiness that freshened the air around me?  I could not tell, but I knew it was something amazing.  I don’t know why I forgot, or why I finally remembered.  But now that I did remember, I am determined to find it again.